[stylist] The Golgotha Tarot

[William L Houts]

Thanks again, Brigit.  You've always given my stuff a close read, and I 
always pay attention to your comments.  Both you and Chris have such a 
keen editorial eye, you're essential resources for our little group.

Here's hope you're enjoying the last of summer.

grins,

Bill




On 7/29/2015 1:39 PM, Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter via stylist wrote:
> Bill,
>
> I've been thinking more on your story since initially reading it. Chris does
> make a good point that I failed to mention. This piece does have humor and
> potential. There's definitely a market out there for stories like this. Also
> Weird Tales or Goldfish Grimm's Spicy Fiction Sushi are two possible
> publications. It does need a lot more editing, but as always, I wouldn't
> comment if I didn't think there was something there, smile.
>
> I still think the POV switch needs to be addressed. And I think we need a
> little more info upfront. And Chris is right that sometimes the change in a
> character is that there is no change, or in the case of Alexander, he
> decides he no longer wants this life, but I think it needs to be clearer,
> that's all.
>
> And the parts I was most invested in were when we get backstory on the
> Master, and at the end when Alexander seemingly walks away from this life.
> Ultimately it's your story, and you need to take it where you see fit, but
> just something to consider as you flesh things out.
>
> Bridgit
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Chris Kuell
> via stylist
> Sent: Wednesday, July 29, 2015 3:12 PM
> To: 'Writers' Division Mailing List' <stylist at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Chris Kuell <ckuell at comcast.net>
> Subject: Re: [stylist] The Golgotha Tarot
>
> Hey Bill,
>
>   
>
> This was actually a fairly longish short story, in my opinion. For future
> reference, you might want to mention that.
>
>          I.            Having said that, I think you have a very entertaining
> story here. Sure, it needs a lot of editing, but I think it's worth the
> trouble. Plus, you learn a lot by doing many edits (less likely to make
> those same mistakes again).
>
> I didn't mind the POV shift, as I understood when the protagonist was
> speaking/thinking, and when Klinghoffer was. But, Bridgit was right in
> saying you could make that clearer and smoother. I love the sense of humor,
> the irony, the cockiness of the piece. And I actually found the ending
> satisfying. Without looking, the student saw the teacher as someone he
> didn't want to be, and left. There's your change.
>
>   
>
> Take some time to rework this, and I think you could find someone to publish
> it. Bewildering Stories, perhaps.
>
>   
>
> Chris
>
>   
>
>   
>
>   
>
> Bridgit already gave you an excellent critique, so I won't take the time to
> do the same. However, you should definitely appreciate the time she put in
> to it, and realize that writing quality fiction is an art, and takes a lot
> of work.
>
>   
>
>   
>
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-- 


"Oh, Sophie!  Whyfore have you eated all de cheeldren?"