[stylist] Poem - "Pool" - Second Draft
Chris Kuell
ckuell at comcast.net
Thu Jun 25 12:49:02 UTC 2015
Hi Bill,
Don't you wish we had these blow up pools when we were younger? What a
great, and relatively inexpensive way to cool off in the summer. I'm
thinking of installing a sump pump and fashioning a fountain in ours.
Anyway, as for your poem, I like it, but not as much as some of your other
works. As stated above, I do appreciate the summer cool, and I really like
the image of shaking off like a baboon. I can't really wrap my head around
the use of the word 'ape' here:
would ape the other months and by them blandness cry.
Hunh??
And to me, it seems as though you are trying too hard to be clever with your
first line:
Twelve feet by three our pool:deep
Why not:
Our pool is twelve feet long, three deep
Which is clearer to me, and still ends on deep.
Just my thoughts. Thanks for sharing.
Chris
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