[stylist] Poem - "Pool" - Second Draft

[William L Houts]

HI Chris,

Thanks, as always, for giving "Pool" the once or thrice over;  I respect 
your editorial acumen, and am currently giving your suggestions some 
thought.  When I came to my writing corner this morning, I invoked 
"Pool" and quickly saw that it's not as strong as it might be. So far, 
I've done some trimming and rearrangement and now will give some thought 
to your edits. In the meantime, stay cool, Mr. Chris and everyone, and 
remember to stay hydrated!


--Bill






On 6/25/2015 5:49 AM, Chris Kuell via stylist wrote:
> Hi Bill,
>
> Don't you wish we had these blow up pools when we were younger? What a
> great, and relatively inexpensive way to cool off in the summer. I'm
> thinking of installing a sump pump and fashioning a fountain in ours.
>
> Anyway, as for your poem, I like it, but not as much as some of your other
> works. As stated above, I do appreciate the summer cool, and I really like
> the image of shaking off like a baboon. I can't really wrap my head around
> the use of the word 'ape' here:
>
> would ape the other months and by them blandness cry.
>
> Hunh??
>
> And to me, it seems as though you are trying too hard to be clever with your
> first line:
> Twelve feet by three our pool:deep
>
> Why not:
> Our pool is twelve feet long, three deep
>
> Which is clearer to me, and still ends on deep.
>
> Just my thoughts. Thanks for sharing.
>
> Chris
>
>   
>
>
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-- 


"Oh, Sophie!  Whyfore have you eated all de cheeldren?"