[stylist] Hindsight revisions based on Chris's trimming and adding

[Debby Phillips]

Sorry Jennifer, but it's still too wordy.  The color of her 
backpack, hair, etc.  aren't very important, unless you can write 
them into the story somehow like: She leaned her blond head 
against her dad's shoulder before she hopped out of the car.  
Patriotic flagpole? Flag pole is plenty, or just "past the flag".  
I think you should read over Chris's edited "ersion again, and 
see if you can make your own version less wordy.  Sorry, I don't 
mean to be cruel, just find that when things are too wordy they 
aren't fun to read.    Debby