[stylist] Hindsight revisions based on Chris's trimming and adding

[Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter]

And I will just take this moment to tell Jennifer that the only reason
anyone is providing specific feedback is because we see potential in the
writing. If we didn't think it worth it, likely no one would comment. So
take this as constructive criticism and understand we are all just trying to
help strengthen writing that has potential.

Bridgit

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Debby
Phillips via stylist
Sent: Saturday, January 09, 2016 9:31 PM
To: Writers' Division Mailing List <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Debby Phillips <semisweetdebby at gmail.com>; jlastar at comcast.net
Subject: Re: [stylist] Hindsight revisions based on Chris's trimming and
adding

Sorry Jennifer, but it's still too wordy.  The color of her 
backpack, hair, etc.  aren't very important, unless you can write 
them into the story somehow like: She leaned her blond head 
against her dad's shoulder before she hopped out of the car.  
Patriotic flagpole? Flag pole is plenty, or just "past the flag".  
I think you should read over Chris's edited "ersion again, and 
see if you can make your own version less wordy.  Sorry, I don't 
mean to be cruel, just find that when things are too wordy they 
aren't fun to read.    Debby

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