[stylist] How is My Attempt at Second Person?

[Chris Kuell]

Hey Vejas,

I think you've done a good job writing in second person so far. I did see
some mistakes, like -- All from Emma, her (should be 'your') supposed best
friend from training. -- but you can fix those when editing and revising.

My major comment is that reading in second person can get very tedious, so I
recommend streamlining, cutting out all the extraneous information and stick
to what is happening to the main character. If you need to explain things,
which you will, do it as briefly and concisely as possible.

Good luck,

Chris