[stylist] {Spam?} The Big Chicken! (Help edit please)

Sat Sep 17 00:44:38 UTC 2016

Hey Mike,

This story is humorous, but it obviously needs a lot of work. I don't have
the time to fix everything, but I'll go through and insert some
comments/suggestions within parentheses.

Chris

The big chicken:
(why end the title with a colon?)

I'm always in the search for a story.(to me, this is clunky. Maybe - I'm
always searching for stories. It's short, and direct)  Wherever I go, I
openly ask the people there if they have any stories to tel. this last week
I was at my barber shop. (you don't need to start with This. Just
write--Last week I was at the barber shop) when it came time for my haircut
and I had sat down, I turned to the technicians, reminding them that I was a
story teller and was tired, so now I needed some stories from them. Anything
would do, just tell me something that took place in their lives.(Again, this
reads clunky to me. Perhaps--As I sat down, I reminded the stylists that I
was a story teller. But, I was tired...))

Most of the gals there that day were of the  Taiwanese race (I need to stop
here. To me, gals is outdated and condescending. And please, please don't
mention race. Instead, consider--Most of the women working that day were
from Taiwan. They were timid, and spoke English with a soft, accented
voice.) and were shy but did speak with that quiet English voice. 

After I asked some questions about what they did in life, I joked around
asking if they were hunters, or mountain climbers and this got a laugh out
of them. but this was my way in breaking the ice.

 One gal Leebu, (One of the stylists, Leebu,  told me how she and her
husband had bought a boat....) told of how her and her husband bought a
boat and went fishing in the lake. A few fish but most dangerous, we no not
swims, she told us.(put her dialogue in quotation marks) 

Besides this, no significant narrative came  my way. I explained to them
that their business would grow much larger if they knew how to tell stories.
Then as I was paying for my haircut this Leebu must have misunderstood what
I had said about growing their business larger. For she smiled and began a
very different narrative. "Before I come to America, my husband brought me
here to meet his family. I soon see that most all Americans are much large,
very big, they grow much. We go to family dinner and there we eat food like
I never see before." She handed me back my change and once again laughed and
said, "When I go back home to my village, I tell everyone everything. I
explain why Americans so big and so fat. I told everyone how huge their
chickens are. I tried showing them how big just one chicken is and feeds
entire family of 20 people with much meat left over, huge chickens, and now
I know why they so big!"

The village listeners could hardly believe that a chicken could grow that
big but Leebu assured them that this was so.

"Then when my husband came to take me to America, somehow the question of
this huge chicken came up from several curious villagers." My husband at
first was puzzled but then figured it out. He had to laugh and explained to
everyone, including Leebu, that the big bird was not a chicken but a Turkey!

There in America, they serve turkey for a thanksgiving dinner and some of
them can weigh up to 30 pounds! So we have this dinner with many friends and
only serve one giant chicken!"
(you have a dangling quotation mark in there. This dialogue is kind of long,
so you might want to break it up with some small actions or observations.
Somebody stepped out for a smoke, or Leebu made change for another customer,
or Leebu's eyes grew wide as she told the story...) 
Now I got a good story along with a nice haircut. Be on the lookout for a
good quick story. Don't be afraid to ask strangers for a story, everyone has
a story to tell.

Michael M. Tickenoff 

TickPub Thanks You,
All The Best And More,
Regards And Respect From Michael!
Visit www.storynetadventures.com Get Your Free Travel Humor Book!
Just Click On The Blue Linked Book On The Shelf!
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